Unless you are living under a rock, you would have heard the saying, ‘It’s not what’s said, but how it’s said’. Sadly, there are many under-a-rock dwellers among us. Their time locked in with their ignorance, has put them at an apparent evolutionary disadvantage. They never developed the social communication skills required to live and thrive in a civilized and understanding environment. 

Knowing how to speak to people you come into contact with on a daily basis, requires no small amounts of politeness, graciousness and tact. I haven’t even mentioned qualities such as empathy or skills such as active listening. Verbal communication will deliver the ‘what is being said’, while paralanguage will determine the ‘how it is being said’. Since non verbal communication is decoded in conjunction with the verbal communication, it’s necessary to manage the use of paralanguage properly in the verbal package. 

Basically, be careful with how you say things to others, since more meaning is deduced from paralanguage, than from the actual content. It raises problems, if the way things are said is misunderstood in the context of what was said and the other accompanying contexts. 

You should always be mindful that some people are very sensitive to tones, intonation and general bad attitudes. Others simply do not have any tolerance for ignorant, dismissive and ‘holier than thou’ complexes. 

As a general rule, if people know they tend to aggravate others around them whenever they crawl out from under their rocks, they should just practice the art of shutting up, if they cannot monitor their paralanguage. If they wish to join a civilized conversation, they should cultivate some sensibilities and understanding first. They will find that others will gladly receive their messages without feeling insulted or uncomfortable. 

If you are on the receiving end of bad verbal attitude, it’s very important to exercise patience and restraint in your response. Consider if the affront is warranted given the situation. If it isn’t, stand up for yourself and your dignity and make it clear that you are not familar with degenerate attitudes and as a human being, you wish the other person would converse with you in a much better and humane manner. 


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