It’s only when the call ends that you realise what has happened. You just had a brief conversation with destiny. A fated dialogue which will craft the very essence of your not too distant future. And, while you are seeing Heaven’s Gates swing open to shine golden light on your poor soul, there is the mortifying realization that you cannot remember most of the conversation you just had on the phone. You were dumbstruck at ‘we would like you to come in for an interview’. The date of the interview, the time, the location and the relevant documents you have to walk with are all melting away in your mind. This tends to happen to lots of people so it’s ok. It will be a good idea to call your potential employers back and just get a recap of the important information concerning the interview. It’s best to have a pen and piece of paper handy when you do this.
Potential excuses for calling back: You had to run out the shower with shampoo in your hair and had to hold the phone far away from your ear. You thought you dreamed about getting the call because you are sick really bad with a high fever. Or, you thought it was a prank call because you have immature people in your social circle you call friends. If by some miracle they believe you and you get the correct information about the interview, you will have already formed an employee/employer relationship; you were incompetent, you lied about being incompetent to save your skin and your bosses believed you.
So, the information you have accurately written down on the piece of paper is an indicator. It tells you that you now have a deadline to prepare yourself for the job interview. Here are some simple guidelines on ‘How To Prepare For A Job Interview’.
1. Have thoughts of grandeur and fortune. A job means money. Money means materialistic possessions, pleasures, happiness and power. Start thinking about all the cool things you can buy (a car, a house, shares in Google), all the awesome places you can go (the United Russian America) and all the people you can brag too (your ex, your jealous cousins and people from your last job). Think long term. You can work and gain experience. A few weeks later you can start applying for jobs at other places for a better salary. After these jobs, you are ready to tell your bosses to take a hike and go off on your own and start your own business. Within a year you will be a successful entrepreneur with a growing dynasty around you which you will pass on to your unborn children.
2. Call everyone you know and tell them the good news. There is nothing better than being the center of attention for your friends and family. Let them shower you with words of encouragement and good fortune. Some will even offer to say a prayer for your success. Let them. Some people need good karma in their lives.
3. Go back to what ever you were doing before you got the call about the interview. You are paying for Netflix so you might as well continue looking at it. You are not employed as yet, so why break your routine of doing nothing all day. You must always leave some room for disappointment in every situation, so if you don’t get the job, you are already prepared to sink back into the routine that sustained your months’ long lethargic state.
4. Sleep. (Optional) The sound of your alarm violently wrenches you from deep sleep. Bright sunlight hits your startled face. It’s 8:10am. Your interview was scheduled for 8 o’ clock. You rush outside. It’s raining. There is gridlocked traffic on your street. You look at the time on your phone. It’s 8:30am. Precious seconds are ticking away! Guilt, fear, confusion and adrenaline flood your mind. You start running. Running. Running. You feel like you are falling. You are falling! It’s a heady, giddy, upside down fall. Just as you hit the ground everything goes black and you wake up! It was just a dream. You had a nightmare about being late for your job interview! That’s why I said sleeping is optional. The best thing is to go back to the comforting arms of Netflix.
5. Panic (Finally). Yes. Panicking before an interview is a normal preparation technique. It is practiced by virtually every one who gets called in for an interview. It’s best done atleast half an hour prior to the actual meeting, in a cold washroom with a full bladder. Panicking is a good thing as it is crucial to your transformation process. It helps you realise that your potential employer does not care for your real personality, qualities and work ethic. Rather they want to hear you say rehearsed words like ‘dedicated’, ‘resourceful’, ‘initiative’ and ‘suck up’..err.. I mean ‘team player’. Panicking ends once the transformation begins. You are now the candidate every employer deserves.
It’s time to face your destiny.
To be continued…