‘How to tie a tie’ was a top search entry on Google this week. Possibly, because guys were attending Old Year’s Eve parties and needed to meet the dress code by all means or they just wanted to have a sharper look for going back out to work in 2017. Whatever the reason(s), I commend these ambitious males for learning something new this year. Needless to say, I read and looked at the three top self help guides that Google shot back at me, and I’m still as confused as ever, by the ‘over and under’, ‘in and out’ loophole, hell hole, black hole art of tying a tie. I am not a big fan of the centuries old fashion accessory, but I must admit that they do add a touch of flair and sophistication to any man who wears them without cringing, stifling or ripping them off by lunch time. It is worthy to note that they were once part of the uniform of Croation mercenaries. Pretty macho-ish huh. 

Now we come to why you are here: How To Tie A Tie. 

1. Ask a woman or girl to assist you. Preferably one you have romantic interests in. Women find it adorable when men ask for help with seemingly simple tasks. The tie tying position for the woman/girl of your dreams allows her to enter your personal space. Just think about it. You will literally be inches away from her. Closer than you’ve ever been. There will be lots of eye and light physical contact. It’s probably not the best time to utter a word or breathe or do anything that would screw up the gathering mysterious tensions of ‘a moment’. Even if you don’t get lucky with whatever fantasy is spinning around your head, you will have had your tie tied. Guys, it’s also good to remember that this scenario is a good yardstick to judge your choice in women; if she can’t tie the tie, she is probably too young for you. 

2. Ask your mother. If you have no unrelated females in your life (as yet), then asking good old mom to help you is nothing to be ashamed of. Moms wrote the book on making the impossible possible. Along with the tie business, mom will share a lifetime’s worth of stories and advice in the ten seconds she would take to get the tie tied, your collar straightened, lint off your jacket and run a comb through your hair. Mom will also want you to learn the art of tying the tie. Feign interest of course, in what she shows you. She would like to know she can show you something useful, with the hopes you can give her grand-children in return one day. It’s a fair trade; the impossible for the impossible. 

3. Buy a clip on tie.                          Hey! There is nothing stopping you from cheating. A clip on is the most convenient way to get the tie tied, especially if you have no one to help you or you have trouble following step by step instructions from Google. If you don’t want to spend money on clip on ties, you can ask for them as gifts for Christmas. Never ask for them for your birthday. That sets a low bar for gifts of which you are worthy. You risk getting socks and handkerchiefs as well with your name on them for the rest of your life. 

Thus, without mentioning the four most popularly used necktie knots, the Windsor, the Half Windsor, the Four in Hand and the Pratt, I have shared three (additional) and hopefully, soon to be popular ways to tie a tie.

Of course, some guys are blessed with fates where they never have to wear ties every day. Matching colours, patterns and styles are never their concerns, only, ‘is this T-shirt still clean?’. 

                                                                      

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